What I’ve been doing during all of this

During the five months I have so far talked about, I have done everything to make sure the kids are happy and not super upset about their mom.

The very first time I met the kids, I spent over a hour helping the son look for a deer he swore he shot. It was hunting season, no worries. I showed the daughter how one of her new toys worked to make bracelets. I have been about these kids, since I met them.

The kids were out of school some for snow, their dad had to work because he had started a new job, so I took the day off to spend with the kids.  We chilled at the house watching cartoons and playing games all day.  Unfortunately the snow did not last long enough to play in it.

They were out of school for a teacher work day; their grandparents were planning on leaving for a vacation, and their dad had to work, so once again I took the day off.  Unfortunately, the boy was sick with the flu that day.  I took care of him the whole time.  I made him chicken noodle soup when he was hungry, I made sure he was drinking plenty of fluids, I made sure he was getting plenty of rest, and I was rotating him between Tylenol and Ibuprofen to keep his fever down.  Not once did she call and check on him or message anyone asking how he was feeling.  Not once did he ask for his mom.  This all actually occurred on a Friday where they were suppose to go stay the night with her.  The kids did not want to go, since the boy was sick, we did not make them.  She had a fit that his dad wanted to keep him at home to watch him.

Christmas I made sure to get them some things that I knew they would enjoy. We hadn’t been dating long, and I have a lot of nieces and nephews, so shopping is slim for everyone. The kids didn’t mind though.

For the daughter’s birthday, I helped decorate for her party. I settled an argument between her and one of her friends. I wanted to make sure it was a good day for her.

Well, that catches you up on where we’re at so far.

 

New Year – New Her

I would love to say that the start of the new year brought on a new her in a good way, but then I would be lying.  I finally see her again after a few weeks.  I haven’t seen her, because she has not got the kids like she is suppose to.  When I see her, I notice she has lost quite a bit of weight over the last few weeks, and she has been really picking at her face.  Her boyfriend has also lost quite a bit of weight.  I point this out to him once the kids are out of the vehicle.  He says he wouldn’t be surprised if she was on drugs.  Now, I’m super worried about these kids being around that kind of stuff and express my concerns to him.  He says he is able to request a drug test when he would like through their prior custody arrangements.

The kids get back and state that they do not like staying at their mom’s house any more.  She has started smoking cigarettes in the house, and both kids are sensitive to the smoke.  They are wheezy and noses are stuffed up.  They also completely reak of cigarette smoke.

The daughter’s birthday comes around; we have a small party at the house for her.  Her so called mother promises to take her to Chuck E. Cheese’s but never does; I don’t think she got her anything for her birthday at all.  She doesn’t even call her to wish her a happy birthday or get them the following weekend like she should have.  Come to find out she has been promising her daughter a trip to Chuck E. Cheese’s for the last few birthdays but never goes and always has an excuse as to why.

All I can think is how can a person do such a thing to their own child.  I get if you don’t have the money to do something, but if that is the case, don’t promise them something that you know you can’t afford.  If you’re hoping you will be able to, don’t tell them; just make it a surprise one day. I don’t think you should purposely get their hopes up just to crush them.  Maybe that’s just my opinion though.

The Holidays

Fast forward to Thanksgiving, their wonderful mother, I use this as sarcastic as possible, does not call the kids or see them for Thanksgiving.  I think she had them two Wednesdays and one weekend through the whole month of November.  Frustration has really set in; I’m starting to notice how hurt the children are at this point, and it’s really starting to piss me off.  How does a mother hurt her children in such a way? I mean seriously, you grew them inside of you for nine months and pushed them out of your vagina! They are the greatest gift of all times!

Their dad and I have started dating at this point.  We asked the kids what they thought before we decided, and they approved.  Again, coming from a divorced family, I do not want the kids to feel like they have no choice or say in the matter.  They have been my main concern this whole time.  I still have not actually spoke with the mother; I have only seen her and smiled.  She does at this point know we are dating and doesn’t even seem interested in getting to know me in the least even though I am a part of her kids’ life at this point.

Christmas comes around, and the kids still have not seen her that much.  I haven’t really saw her in a few weeks either.  She gets them Christmas Eve to wake up there on Christmas morning.  Now, I understand that people can’t always have a big Christmas, and it doesn’t bother me in the least what she did or did not get them.  What bothers me is the fact that she will not allow them to bring any of their new stuff home to play with or use, because she paid for it, so it needs to stay there.  Seriously? They spend 95% of their time at their dad’s.  They are hardly there.  There is no reason that they cannot bring and take stuff from each house as they please.  At this point, I have also found out she does not know what size clothes or shoes the kids wear or provide any clothes for them.  They take a bag back and forth from their dad’s to their mom’s.  How does a mother expect her children to feel at home when they have very few personal belongings there? She expects their dad to provide everything for them.  She does not pay child support or buy anything they need.

I finally break down and ask the kids what they did at their mom’s and if they had fun.  They talk about all of the stuff they did alone or the two of them.  They never say anything about her, so I ask where she was when they were doing all of that.  She was in bed! She only got out of bed to watch them open their presents, and then she went back to bed with her live in boyfriend, because she has a headache.  I look at them and cannot believe this.  I am fuming mad.  How do you not spend time with your kids on a holiday? You begged to have them even though they wanted to stay home and then that’s what you do!  The frustration is too real.  I had to walk away before I said something rude in front of them.  I am not one to bash or belittle a parent in front of their own children.  I try to keep their dad and the rest of his family from saying things in front of them as well.  I do not feel that it is fair to the kids to hear bad things about their parents from people they love.

The Beginning

I know there was a time not so long ago where divorce was a very uncommon thing.  Now, it seems like everyone has been divorced at least once, myself included.  Fortunately, I did not have any children in my first marriage.  However, my fiance does have two children from a previous marriage.  A 12 almost 13 year old boy and a 10 year old girl.  The children are completely wonderful; there real mother on the other hand is a completely different story.  Let’s start at the beginning.

When I fist met my now fiance, I kept telling him that I did not want to date, and that I was not ready.  He said it was fine, and that we could be friends.  We started hanging out on Wednesdays and the weekends when his children were at their mom’s house.  He has custody of the children, not her.  This gave me a red flag right then, but I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt.  The very first time we hung out, she calls him asking him what he’s doing and when he will be there to pick the kids up.  Another red flag!  He eventually told her he was hanging up the phone.  This worried me a bit, because I thought he was just being hateful to her.  Coming from a divorced family, I’ve seen the pettiness first hand.  He took me home after that to pick the kids up.  I didn’t think much about it after that.

Next time I think about the mother is when I meet the kids.  They do not seem to think anything about meeting me.  They go about their normal routine.  The 10 year old daughter is hugging and loving on her daddy, while the son is sticking to himself playing on his phone.  This is also when I realize that he lives with his mom and step dad.  At this point, my brain is really turning, and I’m wondering what has happened and is going on.  I don’t just want to point blank ask him, since we’re just friends, and it isn’t my business.

After some time, I go with him to pick the kids up on a Wednesday.  They meet at a church.  I’m a little nervous because we still aren’t dating, and I didn’t know if she was over him or not.  I knew that things could get messy real quick.  She pulls in and seems okay.  I look over at her and smile; she smiles back; no biggie.  The kids get in, and we leave.  Things are that way for a while.

Fast forward to October.  It’s close to Halloween.  They have planned camping trips.  Mom says it’s okay for the kids to go on her weekend.  Fair enough; she seems understanding to what the kids want to do.  I’m still thinking she is pretty decent and have no clue what is truly going on or what has happened in the past.